Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
