stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
