dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
