Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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