I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
