im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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