i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
