feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
