So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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