i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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