why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize