i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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