I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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