he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
