I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
