I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
