I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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