Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
