I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize