Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize