my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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