I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
