Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
