I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
