dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
