Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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