Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
