I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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