I puked a lego.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
