so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
