you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
