The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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