Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
