Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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