Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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