i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
