Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
