I smell stomach acid.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
