i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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