just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dignity is for republicans.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
