What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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