I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have aggressive nipples.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
