That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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