you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
