sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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