I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
