I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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