Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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