Princesses don't give blow jobs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
