I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
