My hair reeks of homosexuality.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
