You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
