your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
