How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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