I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
