Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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