i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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