For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
