i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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