Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
