I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
