There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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