i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize