Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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