Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Terrible idea I love it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
