Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
