pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
