So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
