i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she smelled like a LAN party
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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