I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
