I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
