We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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