Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
