so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
