And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
