We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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