If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
