Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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