The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
