I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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