You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
